Gavin Scott Altman

Wow. What an amazing last 8 days. Yesterday marked Gavin's 1 week birthday. He's such a peanut. I cannot imagine life without him. We've had our struggles and learning curves, but nothing compares to when he smiles or when he sleeps so soundly on my chest.

Born September 14th, 2010 @1:35 pm 6 lbs 4.8 oz 20 inches long

Monday Sept 13th (my due date) Brandon and I did chores around the house. we bathed the dog, cleaned out the garage, organized the office closet, burned all our brush, etc. Around 3 in the afternoon we decided to go to Ridgedale mall to get his watch fixed. We got to the mall, parked, and as soon as I stepped out of the car i felt a gush of hot fluid - like I was peeing my pants. Brandon came around the car and asked if I was okay. I said I think my water broke or I'm peeing. We grabbed some old clothes from the trunk to put beneath me and we got back in and headed back west - straight to Buffalo hospital. along the way my contractions began. I was surprisingly calm. Brandon was a bit frustrated because unfortunately it was now approx 4:30 and rush hour. to top that off, we got stuck behind a tractor on the back roads. but we made it safely and in plenty of time. I'll never forget the feeling of being wheeled into the ER lobby with my pants soaked down to my ankles and people looking at me and smiling, with looks of "oohaaah" on their faces. And I was mortified to have wet drawers.

We got up to our labor room and they got me situated. The checking of the cervix is something that was excrutiatingly painful and I wish to forget. And I was lucky enough to get mine checked multiple times and by multiple nurses with boney fingers and knuckles because apparently I was not dilated at all when we arrived. In fact, I wasn't dilating much at all during my labor.

The details of the labor are fuzzy. Brandon was an excellent partner. He was there thru the whole deal, holding my hand, reminding me to breathe, standing with me and rocking me back and forth. It was my intent to not take any pain meds. However, sometime during the morning of the 14th my blood pressure was too high and I was told I needed to take something. They gave me the option of a pain killer that I could only have once every 4 hours and they couldn't garrauntee me it'd last for all of that - plus, the baby would get some of it. or the epidural. I decided to take the epidural. the process of getting the shot wasn't great but not feeling pain anymore was great. And I think it gave Brandon quite a bit of relief as well.

Also, at some point, they gave me a gel that was supposed to ripen the cervix. at which point I was told I couldn't move for an hour and Brandon took the opportunity to go to our recovery room for a short nap.

When he came back to find that the situation had barely changed, I think he was at his wits end. He'd done really well keeping our family posted as well.

At 10 am on the dot, it was time to push. I remember telling Brandon at 10 to 10 that if there's anything he needed to do, now was the time because at 10 it's time to go. I'm not sure what he did, but he left and came back at 10 along with nurses. Because my legs were numb, nurses and Brandon had to hold my legs while I pushed. Luckily, my doctor was on duty and she was able to deliver our baby. for whatever reason when it came time to push, my contractions slowed down. I was in the most compromising position ever, with my legs in the air and a baby stuck in the canal and the contractions slowed. they had given me some potoson to increase the contractions. The baby's head was right there, but just wouldn't come out so they used a suction device. they tried two different types and lost suction 4 times. it did help some, but didn't get him out. the next option, before a c section was the forecepts - or as we like to refer to them as the gigantic salad tongs. After taking a look at them and the doctor saying I'd probably tear with them, I said we'll keep pushing. I beleive it was 3 or 4 more pushes and we succeded.

after three and a half hours of pushing, our little Gavin was born. a total of 22 hours in labor. wow.

everything was going really well. the baby was healthy, my diabeties was gone, I was healthy, Gavin didn't have any side effects from the diabeties, etc. So we thought we'd be able to be discharged the following night, Wednesday. at about 6 Wednesday evening Gavins biliruben results came back and they were too high. they said we could still be discharged and they were going to give us this light bed to take home and treat him there. It gave Brandon and I both anxiety and we decided to stay another night. That night Gavin spent the night in the nursery under lights to break down the biliruben. In the middle of the night I couldn't sleep and went down to the nursery to see our baby. The emotions hit me then and I started to cry. on my way back to the room, the crying turned into sobbing. I woke Brandon up and told him I needed him. He held me while I cried my eyes out. Poor guy, when I woke him up he thought something was wrong with Gavin. I felt much better after my cry.

Thursday we got to go home.


9 mos. reflection

So I'm horrible at keeping up with writing. I feel I should put down some reflections of the last 9 mos before the Wee-One gets here... Tomorrow is my due date. That's me, Last Minute Lou! :) Here are thoughts and memories, at random.

Right now, I'm feeling not only nostalgia, but also anxiety, fear, lack of control, sadness, happiness, contentment, love, relaxation, etc. I think the list goes on, but I am at loss of words for the rest of it.

This past Friday was my last day of work for the next 3 mos. I don't know yet if it's truly set in. Kinda still feels like I just left early Friday for a long weekend. I can't remember ever taking more than a week off of work since I was old enough to work. In fact, up until the last five years I'd always had more than one job - as many as 3 - at a time. This break gives me a mix of "aaaah" and a bit of guilt for feeling it. Like I'm a slacker and quiter. I know I'm about to start another new, big, all-encompassing job, but that hasn't really set in yet either. I've been at my employment for the last 8 years and in my current position for the last 6 or so, and building my position and role within the company. Up until lately, I was the only one that knew my job. I've lost the sense of security that came with that. I really hope they miss me!

My boss is taking over my main responsibility of selling and managing our sales reps. He's truly been a huge support and a rock in my world, not only thru this pregnancy but always. I know he is doing everything he can to make this transition easy for me and he's really taking on a lot to make this work. I'm so appreciative! With Brandon being self employed now, my job is ever so more critical to our family. I also know my boss is a bit nervous that I may not want to return - He's said it multiple times. There's a huge amount of trust in the balance here - me with him wanting me back and he with me wanting to come back. It's crazy. This will be the longest stretch of time that he and I don't talk or sit and visit. We generally b.s. most every day if not every few days. I'll miss that.

I feel like I've been doing a lot of pissing and moaning lately and doing a lot less blessing counting. The thing of it is, I've become very uncomfortable, anxious and scared while everyone around me is purely excited and happy. "oh, you still haven't had him" is making me insane. I also can't call anyone without "are you on the way to the hospital". seriously. Beleive me, I want him here as much if not more than the next guy. Also, no one wants to talk to me about anything but the baby anymore. I realize that this is a major part of me now and that once the baby is here, no one is going to want to see me or Brandon, we're just the people that bring the baby. I just want some sense of normalcy. I guess I gave the normalcy I knew up 9 mos. ago. This baby is truly a blessing and I love him so much already. When I imagine holding him, all of the above paragraph fades. But let's get on with it already! LOL

So like I said, Monday (tomorrow) is my due date. I really, truly, to my core thought that he would be here before my due date. I don't know why, but I did. Aside from the gestational diabetes, I've had a very smooth pregnancy (knock on wood). No morning sickness, just a few episodes of uncontrollable sobbing. Everyone tells me that I've handled it really well, better than many. My boss said he was most impressed with my demeaner at work and especially considering I don't have a low-pressure, no-brainer job. it makes me feel good to hear, but like most people, I just remember breaking down in the conference room during an internal meeting and my other boss thinking something had happened to Brandon because I was sobbing so hard. but I guess that was just 20 min of 9 mos.

Tuesday is our next doctor's appointment. Last week the doc said that if he's not here by now, they'll be inducing me next week. And if I'm not dilated, that it's a longer process and I have increased chance of ending in C-section. I read that in the US 50% of births are now by C-section. I suppose that provides some condolence, but not enough. I know several people that have had them and they all say it's no big deal. I really, really didn't want it. I didn't even want an epidural. I just wanted to give birth and have all that came with it naturally. I'm insane, I know. I'm working on coming to terms with the fact that I may end up with a C-section. I think now it's the inducing that scares me more. The fact that they make you give it the ol' college try before they'll do the C-section seems incredibly cruel. Especially if I'm not dilated and they know my chances of C-section are really good. I can handle natural pain, it's forced, unnecessary pain that makes me panic. I guess the up side to it all is inducing appeals to my planning nature and also allows those around us to make plans accordingly. So that's happy.

With my increased irritability, discomfort and self thrown pitty party, my husband has been a trooper! Brandon's been so supportive and so thoughtful. Last week he brought me home a gorgeous boquet of flowers. Very bright, full, and good smelling. It was perfect timing and so very needed. I had actually considered buying myself flowers when I was at the store, only to get home and find he'd gotten them. is that cool, or what?! With my back hurting now, he's been giving me lots of back rubs and allowing me to lean on him. We have had a couple date nights - this weekend we went to our favorite little spot in Hanover and during the wait he let me lean against him. Last weekend we went to Redstone and then a movie. Redstone is a special place as we only go there but once a year. It was such a nice evening. just the two of us. He's been so good during this 9 mos, I just really hope that I've been not too big of a damper or pain in the ass. When I asked him what he wanted to do this weekend, his reply without hesitation was "have a baby". :) I think he's ready too!

It's funny how our roles have changed during the 9 mos. Earlier on, Brandon was a nervous mess and I was calm and collected. Now, in the final stretch of it, I'm coming unraveled and Brandon is cool as a cucumber. Last week he was really busy with appraisals and he wasn't able to make it to the doc appt. It's a good thing that he had work - we need him to take the work when it comes since it's feast or famine. But going to that appointment by myself, holy crap. I was a mess. We had some questions we wanted to ask the doctor, but I froze. She had questions for me, but I sat there with my mouth agape and staring at her. Thankfully, she said we could have another week to either have the baby or at least improve on the dilating. With the diabetes she doesn't usually let you go past the due date. I was in no position to make any decisions on my own. I know Brandon felt really bad about not making it, but what can you do?! we also need him to work. But Tuesday, he'll be there and so we'll get all our questions asked. It's crazy - if he's there, I'm not in the least bit nervous. I know that whatever happens, we can handle it together. But on my own, I'm completely incapable of even speaking.

I've truly enjoyed my pregnancy. Like I said, it's been fairly smooth. I have always had cronic back pain from scoliosis and aherniated disc, but up until lately, my back has not hurt at all during the pregnancy, not even my normal pain. I had even helped lay a paver patio in our back yard and felt fine. I almost thought that maybe the displaced weight straightened things out and gave momma a new back. Baby's getting a new car! oh, but no... now we're in pain and lots of it. Ever since he dropped, about 4 weeks ago, my back pain has been increasingly intolerable. it's the burning, throbbing hurt of my disc. The doc said that they could be practice labor pains, although it doesn't really come and go. it just hurts. I think it's the increasing weight being carried down low and causing pressure right in my problem spot. Thank God that this has only been lately. I think I would have been a huge not-nice-person had this been the case for much more of the pregnancy.

The diabetes hasn't been so bad. I've been able to manage it with diet and the diet isn't terrible either. It's not a low fat or low carb diet - in fact they want me to have calories and carbs, just an exact amount of the carbs. It's been all about choices. If I want milk, then I have less or no potatoes. If I'm really hungry, I skip the milk and load up on bread or potatoes. It's a lot easier to manage with a meat and potatoe diet. It's the pastas and mixed foods that makes it difficult to count how many carbs. And it's a real bummer to get a measuring cup out to dish up rice. and at restraunts, if I don't know what's in it, I just don't get it. So, there are certainly foods that I miss. Like Spaghetti O's. And the kicker of it all is, with the pregnancy I've finally found a sweet tooth. I've always been a salt eater over a sugar eater. never cared for pastries or cakes. but the baby sure likes them! I love a good glazed donut or cake now - and since the diagnosing of diabeties, I haven't had a donut. My sister made a killer sugar free cake for my baby shower. So I got my cake fix. I've also found comfort in sugar free jello and whipped cream! :) The hardest part of it all is that when I'm stressed or if I don't get enough sleep, then the diet doesn't work as well. My sugar levels are high and there's nothing I can do.

Speaking of diets, Brandon has lost a bunch of weight thru the pregnancy. He'd read in his daddy book that men tend to gain weight with the wives. He said screw that and he's been eating healthy and going to the gym several times a week. He and I are nearly meeting in the middle for weight! damnation! He does look good tho! and I am oh so jealous. My weight isn't actually that bad either. I'm within the allotted weight gain that my doctor gave me initially, which is fairly impressive considering diabeties causes excess weight gain for momma and baby. I can't wait to start slimming back down and feeling sexy again. Rana said she cleaned out her closet and that means Amy gets a new wardrobe! love that girl!

Meg threw me my friend baby shower and did a marvelous job. She's so detail oriented and crafty. She'd made a diaper cake, filled a rubber ducky bath with random baby stuff for people to do a memory guessing game, decorated baseball sugar cookies, had people decorate onesies, had people write bits of advice to the baby and take their picture with a baseball cap, did a nursery rhyme game, gifts for guests that won, and had a spread of diabetic friendly foods. After the party, Meg, Joe, Brandon and I sat around and played games. It was a good day! Jul. 10

Kristen threw me my family shower and also did a fantastic job! Especially considering it was a mixed crowd. I was comfortable and I thought everyone else seemed to be as well. Kristen had tables and chairs set up, a table full of baby stuff for price is right, gifts for guests that won, a badge for me that said it's a boy, she took tons of pictures of everyone, and had a spread of diabetic friendly food. I really had a great day and felt very honored. Rana came to our house afterward and we watched a movie and then I crashed. Aug. 14

My mom stopped by this morning and dropped off more baby stuff. Just about every Sunday she's bringing over baby stuff. I think it was the week before last that I got overwhelmed because I hadn't yet washed or put away the previous weeks load. I'm very grateful for all she's done and purchased for us. Much of it is items that we truly need and would have never thought of. And the maternity clothes was a gigantic help! My mom has gotten me the great majority of my maternity clothes. bags upon bags of clothes of all sizes. Such a huge help when you wake up in the morning and something you wore last week no longer fits. you just move onto some of the other stuff that looked too big. there were many mornings that I wanted to cry because getting dressed was so difficult. I'm really down to just a few things that fit me now.

let's talk shoes. I'd like to wear some. it's been months since I've worn anything but sandals. I was at the store this week and there are super cute shoes out that I would love, love, love to wear. I think it was the 4th of July weekend and we were upnorth at gramma and grampa's and Brandon noticed how swollen my feet were. I honestly hadn't noticed it until he pointed it out. They started out not being too bad and they'd go down at night. Then they stopped going down and they just stayed huge. Brandon said I was all leg with little sausages. no ankles. They're a bit painful too. I can't wait to wear heals! Again, it goes back to feeling sexy. My husband may be in for a treat with all this pent up, um... agression. LOL

We went to 3 baby classes together. The birth class, all about baby class and the breast feeding class. I can't remember a lot of the details of any of them so I'm not sure if they were worth the money or not. I think they gave us more peace of mind that there wasn't a lot of earth shattering revelations which meant that we weren't as big of morons as we were thinking. The birth class was the most beneficial, I think. Brandon said it was mortifying. but it was really good information and watching the videos really put a lot of stuff into perspective for us. It was there that we decided that we don't want guests at the hospital until after the birth. We'd like to have time with our new baby, just the three of us before anyone else gets there. We're not talking days, just maybe hours.

Can't wait for our Wee-One to get here! This time next week, we'll be snuggling. :)


Ups and Downs

Last week, I had lunch with my good friend Jolene. As we don’t see each other all that often, I thought I’d send a text to see if we could meet up over the lunch hour so I could share the baby news with her. It was a great lunch and it’s always great to see Jo-Jo. She was of course super excited and her and her fiancĂ© Paul then sent Brandon and me a very cute, hand made baby card! Way to be crafty Paul! :)

Last Thursday night Neighbor Meg came over and helped me bake Baby Cookies. We had fun, chatting, baking and decorating in pink and blue frosting with sprinkles and candy pacifiers. Meg found the candies – she’s so creative! I brought the cookies to work on Friday to break the news to my coworkers – that was a lot of fun. They knew instantly! I got some hugs and lots of congrats.

This week the baby has been very naughty! Starting with Tuesday morning. I woke up CRABBY! And lucky for me, we were still in the middle of a snow storm that was making the commute to work just lovely. So I’d gotten up early (first alarm vs. 5th snooze like normal) to get a head start on the road. But by the time I left the house, for no good reason, I was so on edge that my jaw hurt. On my way in to work, the roads were awful. And there was this one guy that I swear really, really wanted to buy a new back end for our car. I made it in to work, on time and in one piece but… I was still waaaaay crabby.

My mood, ah.. didn’t necessarily get better but sort of leveled out about mid day, but as I came down from the angry state, I fell into a sad state. Mind you, nothing happened to cause any of this. By the time I was driving home I was in tears. I called my mom and she was kind enough to talk me down and distract me the whole way home so I could drive with clear vision.

But as soon as I walked in the door my poor unsuspecting husband asked how I was doing… oh boy. I fell apart. He came up to me and embraced me, patted my back, let me ball my eyes out, and told me it was going to be okay. Neither of us knows what “it” is, but I believe him. He instructs me to go upstairs and get my jammies on and once I did, I felt so much better. He’d ordered pizza and we ate and watched tv. The world was a better place, finally. Brandon then asked me “what’s my son up to today?” it took me a minute to get it… but I told him “reeking havoc”.

The following day I was all good…. Until I ate lunch. I had a chicken sandwich, baked potato, and milk. Some part of that the baby did NOT like. I struggled thru most of the remaining work day and ended up leaving a little early. I took an hour and a half nap when I got home and felt better afterwards. I love naps. Brandon and I went to poker and our friend Jodi made a very nice toast in which she announced to all our poker friends that in 18 years they can look forward to taking our kid’s money too! I’m thinking he/she is going to take theirs!!! Ha!

Today is a good day. I have a roast cooking in the crock pot at home so dinner will be done already. I think the crock pot is my new best friend, sorry Leslie. And we have no obligations or plans for the evening. Just jammies. Tomorrow night we’re having a valentines dinner with our good friends Josh and Linnea and then Saturday night we are meeting our good friends Red and Marci for Red’s birthday. None of which know our news yet, so that will be awesome! Saturday morning I'm meeting my mom, gramma and sister Angie for breakfast which will be very nice. Sunday we have a couples poker game – love’em / hate’em – at Gene and Jodi’s. busy busy


So much joy

It's amazing to me the amount of joy our baby news is bringing to people. It surprises us both. We thought everyone would be happy, but we didn't expect such overwhelming excitement. Well, we knew Grampa Vern would be super excited, he's been wanted great-grand-babies since before we were married. When we announced our engagement, he said "I expect some babies pretty soon". We said "well how about we get married first" and he replied "well I suppose it's appropriate but you know it's not necessary!" :) so much for being old fashioned! Grampa never gave up hope. When we called he yelled in the background "I bet I know what it is!!!" Gramma Adele wasn't so sure as she, along with my mom and Brandon's mom, had figured we weren't going to have kids. Surprise!!! Like my dad said "I knew never would eventually come" as we'd always said never to kids.

So Sunday started out with brunch with my Dad and Laurie. I waited until my dad said "what's new" and then showed him the ultrasound and said "we're pregnant". The looks on their faces were priceless. they were stunned. there was a moment of silence as they stared at us until finally Laurie said "YOU are?" LOL I replied "well, mostly me, but yes, WE are". When the waiter came by Laurie announced that we're having a baby. And then the questions followed and my dad was continually smiling at me and nodding. Proud Grampa. :) He gave me a nice long hug at the door and said he was happy for us. We had also called Jackie, my stepsister, and announced it to her. She squeeled.

Next stop, my mom's. My mom is a bit more dramatic in nature, so her response is quite animated. Her and Don have recently begun building hillbilly photo frames out of trees that they cut... so we show up, unannounced... but I honked the horn profusely - as always (need to make sure people are decent). We walk in and she takes us around the house proudly showing us her recently completed hillbilly frames and clocks. We end up in the living room and I tell her that we have a photo she can frame, but it's just little. I hand it to her, she takes it and turns around to go into the dining room light but only gets a few steps away before she screams "oh Amy!" and comes running back and hugs me and Brandon. She's instantly shaking and crying and says she's nervous for some reason. Monday when we emailed she'd said she started knitting an outfit for the baby to come home in. And she printed a copy of the ultrasound and wrote on it and hung it in her cubicle for all to see. Proud Gramma. :)

At this point I'm absolutely exhausted and we decide to head home. We called my Gramma Bernie and Sister, Angie, on our way home and made our announcement. Angie squeeled and was very excited, Gramma too. I know they were dissapointed that we didn't stop by and I feel bad, but I was toast. My sister wrote me a nice email expressing her excitement and support.

We had a 2 hour nap when we got home. I'm a huge fan of naps now! When we woke up we called neighbors Meg and Joe to see if they wanted to have dinner for "Brandon's birthday". His birthday has served as an excellent cover. hehe. So, again we make our announcement. Meg got all teary eyed and Joe was absolutely surprised. He said "That's the last thing I expected to hear" Brandon said "me too!" too funny. Meg is going to be a blessing as a neighbor and auntie to this baby. And, she's going to be great at teaching me what the heck it is I'm supposed to do.

We called my Grampa Vern and Gramma Adele that night too. I can't wait for them to come back to MN. It'll be nice that the shower and the birth will be in the summer/early fall as they'll still be in MN. They did say that if our baby is anything like me, then I'm getting payback!

Today is Brandon's actual birthday. So again we used it as a cover up to get our good friends and poker buddies Gene, Jodi, Brad and Jill to go out to dinner with us. Jodi shared something and then Jill took out a magazine and was showing it so Brandon decided since it was show and tell time that he'd pull out the ultrasound photo. It has seriously come in handy. So he holds it out and Jodi is the first to recognize what it is and she covers her face with her hands and starts to cry and everyone catches on and congrats and oh my's go around. When the waitress comes around someone told her that there's a new baby in the family. We had some really hillarious chats about babies and pregnancy. I laughed so hard. Brandon actually said "So when they poop do you rub their nose in it and tell them NO!" LOL and then later I made a comment about a "baby baister" vs. a turkey baister... LOL good times!

All in all everyone was very supportive and very excited. We have several more good friends and coworkers yet to tell. It's so difficult to get together with everyone. Many of our long time friends don't live near us &/or we are not exactly running in the same circle anymore. I can't wait to share our news with them and I hope we get to soon.

We have a wonderful family and group of friends. We're very fortunate and our baby is going to be insanely spoiled.


Time to tell

So, we had thought that we'd wait until March to tell anyone, but with the ultrasound being so positive and healthy, we felt that it was safe. Plus, Rana was considering coming home for Brandon's birthday. Also, it's proving to be a bit difficult to lie to and avoid people. Yesterday I went shopping with my good friend and neighbor, Meg and she flat out asked me if I was pregnant. I had to plead the 5th because I just couldn't lie. we'll tell her and her husband Joe later tonight I am sure.

Last night, Saturday the 30th, we got together with Brandon's family at his sister Kristen's house to celebrate his birthday. Rana unfortunately couldn't make it home, but she did call. While she was on the phone with Brandon, he asked me to get the photo (ultrasound). He said to Rana that he was showing his mom a photo... of the baby in Amy's belly. Then it got a little chaotic. Everyone was elated. Eyes teared up, hugs went around and questions flew. Brandon's dad hugged me so hard he choked me a little. It was an awesome moment.

Kristen, having had two kids, unloaded her library of books on us. She also offerred to host a baby shower and help with the registering for gifts. The assistance with registering is a gigantic relief. I got anxiety walking down the car seat ilse because there are so many to choose from. How do we know which is right? I've avoided looking at baby stuff because it makes my head swim.

So today we meet my dad and his wife for brunch and then we're going to stop by my mom's house and tell her and her husband. It's going to be another amazing day.

side note: the being tired and not sleeping thru the nights and being tired, so tired... it's killing me. If I'm so tired, why the heck can't I sleep?! seriously! Me and the Bronco babe are going to have to have a little talk. Oh, and in case you didn't hear, Brandon had once said that if he ever has a boy he wants to name it Bronco because it's the toughest name he can think of. LOL

first photo

So, on 1.27.10 we had our early ultrasound. Amazing. Amazing. Brandon says the baby looks like a plucked turkey. The round thing is where the baby is getting it's nutrients. From the ultrasound, I'm actually only 7 weeks and 2 days along. The heart beat was 142 and everything is looking very healthy. Oh, and there's only one baby. A palm reader once told me I'd have twins.

Well, this was a bit more personal of an ultrasound. this wasn't the jelly on the belly one. It was an odd feeling to put my feet in stirrups while my husband sat beside me. And after she showed us what she was going to insert, yes, that's right... insert. I looked at Brandon and asked if he had anything to say. Not a peep. No smart ass comments or funny jokes. He did reach out and hold my hand. Once the screen lit up, all else was forgotten. The heart was beating so strong and bright - like a pulsing star. It was beautiful. Absolutely breathtaking. I could have stared at it forever.

Our new due date is September 13th, 2010.



Whoa! there's really no better way to capture the full extent of the news that we've been so blessed with... we're pregnant! yes, that's right! WHOA! I've been debating and putting off writing about it because it has seemed so surreal and frankly, I didn't want to to jinx it either. But, because my memory often fails me and I certainly do not want to lose a minute of any of this, I shall put it in writing. here goes:


I woke up Saturday morning and I wasn't feeling too peachy. I'd lost my appetite and really felt run down. I credited this to the several beers I'd had at the neighbors house the previous night as we had a late new years celebration of playing games, having snacks and beverages. I unfortunately probably shouldn't have been drinking, but who knew?! And I'm told that it's very normal and not anything to worry about as long as I have no more, which I have not.


So, Sunday morning I woke up and not feeling much different from Saturday. The real lack of appetite had me wondering. It was 2:30 pm before I attempted to eat anything and I wasn't feeling it then. I wasn't tossing cookies or anything, just didn't feel right and couldn't credit it to anything from the night before. While pushing my food around my plate, I announced to Brandon that I thought I might be prego. So we started chatting about taking a home test, but put it off.


Monday I went to work and I can't really recall but I don't know that i felt any different and my suspicions were high. At this point, I'm also pretty sure that I'm late for my period, but not really sure because it's on an inconsistent 30 to 35 day schedule. So that evening, while preparing dinner, Brandon and I make mention of the prego possibility again and without telling him, I spontaneously go take a home test. after staring at the stick for several minutes, trying to make sense of it and unsure of what my eyes are really seeing, I call Brandon upstairs to take a look. I said, look at this and tell me if you see what I see. He stepped in the bathroom, sees what I'm pointing at and promptly retreats like it was going to attack. So I go downstairs and he's sitting at the dinning room table. I hadn't really gotten a read on him because he'd said nothing so far, but when I looked at his face and then he picked up something, put it down, picked it up, put it down and pushed it away I realized he saw what i saw and he was stunned. whoa. At that moment, my nerves hit me and I barely made it to the bathroom - I nearly poo'ed my pants. We didn't talk about it at depth other than he wanted me to call my doctor and get seen.


Called my doctors office and they tell me that they accept the home test as a positive and I cannot see my primary physician that I have to go to a OBGYN but that they don't usually see you until 8 weeks. WTF?! I pass this disturbing info onto Brandon and he is less than satisfied. So I call them again. yes, we are panicking and I'm sure the ladies at the doctors office were annoyed with me. apparently, this isn't like the flu or a broken toe and there's nothing that a regular doctor can tell you or prescribe. hindsight, I totally get it. but in the moment, they should have a hot line for a "what to do when in a panic about being prego". So, I'm freaking out and Brandon's freaking out and we're not helping each other. I'm sorry to all my family and other friends, but I needed someone to talk to so I called my bff Leslie. her response?! "Whoa!" I shit you not! LOL Talking to her helped me - really just having someone to share it with was a relief. I know it hadn't even been 24 hrs, but still, it was killing me. Leslie later wrote me a very, very heartwarming email - very sweet. During the work day, my boss had asked me what's going on during our meeting and then later randomly stopped by my office and asked me how I'm doing, what's new, do I have any big news, etc. It was totally weird. slight paranoia. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I can't imagine I was that transparent. Brandon and I had an excellent talk that night about how we felt, what we're going to do. When he said "I want to get a t-shirt that says - Daddy drinks because you cry" I knew that he had processed the news and thru his humor is dealing with it. We also decided that it's best if I told my boss right away. but we also agreed that I'd take just one more test to make sure.


Again, my boss randomly stops by my office with random, general questions. Paranoia is running rampant now and I'm feeling guilty. At the end of the day I ask him if he's going to be in the office the next day and he replies "why, what big news are you going to spring on me?" I kid you not. seriously, comments like this for two days have me going insane. I try to be evasive and say just wondering, nothing, wanted to chat about a job, this and that, but he's persistent and not buying it. maybe I am transparent. So I caved. I shut the door and blurted out - I'm pregnant. He said really? and then clasped his hands and smiled wide! proclaimed his excitement and happiness - and even tho he said really, he didn't seem surprised. no whoa's. he said he figured it'd be soon and had very encouraging things to say and it was very reassuring for both Brandon and I.

On a personal note, Brandon and I are very excited now and we're just really hopeful that we have a healthy, happy baby. Although we were a bit caught off-guard, this wasn't an accidental pregnancy. We decided to just let nature do it's thing and have a little fun in the meantime. I think we both felt like we had 4, 6, 8 months or more to have our fun, but as it turns out mother nature felt we were ready now. Looks like all those years of paying for prescriptions really paid off! :)

Brandon does ask me periodically if I can feel if it's a boy yet. He also tells me to take care of his son when I leave for the store. And the other day I got reprimanded for not answering my cell - "you know, if you're going to continue with this pregnant thing, you really need to have your phone on". He's a protective daddy already. If we do have a daughter, I have no doubt we will love her wholly. I will feel bad for her when she goes to prom in a snow suit. but, between the two of us, she's likely to be a tom-boy anyway.

I know I'm only 8 weeks along, but the physical changes are notable. Without the graphic details, I will just go on record by saying things are swollen, sensitive and items of clothings are going to have to go up in size already. And, Brandon is a bit in aw - he's got a whole new wife. I'm a bit bewildered. I'm also extremely tired. ALL the time. Really, really tired. This will be the toughest part for me.

We had purchased a couple books and some vitamins, but that's it for people we've told - we decided to wait until the recommended 13 weeks to tell everyone else. And there haven't been any more big moments until 1.25.10 when we had our first prenatal visit. This was just an educational visit to go over do's and don't's, family history, and take some tests - urine and blood - 5 viles of blood! I couldn't believe it! at any rate, I'm supposedly 8 weeks along now and that means I can have an early ultrasound. It's scheduled for tomorrow 1.27.10. it will tell us the size and progress of the fetus and we should get a better idea of due date. right now it's estimated at 9.04.10.

more to come...