Whoa! there's really no better way to capture the full extent of the news that we've been so blessed with... we're pregnant! yes, that's right! WHOA! I've been debating and putting off writing about it because it has seemed so surreal and frankly, I didn't want to to jinx it either. But, because my memory often fails me and I certainly do not want to lose a minute of any of this, I shall put it in writing. here goes:
I woke up Saturday morning and I wasn't feeling too peachy. I'd lost my appetite and really felt run down. I credited this to the several beers I'd had at the neighbors house the previous night as we had a late new years celebration of playing games, having snacks and beverages. I unfortunately probably shouldn't have been drinking, but who knew?! And I'm told that it's very normal and not anything to worry about as long as I have no more, which I have not.
So, Sunday morning I woke up and not feeling much different from Saturday. The real lack of appetite had me wondering. It was 2:30 pm before I attempted to eat anything and I wasn't feeling it then. I wasn't tossing cookies or anything, just didn't feel right and couldn't credit it to anything from the night before. While pushing my food around my plate, I announced to Brandon that I thought I might be prego. So we started chatting about taking a home test, but put it off.
Monday I went to work and I can't really recall but I don't know that i felt any different and my suspicions were high. At this point, I'm also pretty sure that I'm late for my period, but not really sure because it's on an inconsistent 30 to 35 day schedule. So that evening, while preparing dinner, Brandon and I make mention of the prego possibility again and without telling him, I spontaneously go take a home test. after staring at the stick for several minutes, trying to make sense of it and unsure of what my eyes are really seeing, I call Brandon upstairs to take a look. I said, look at this and tell me if you see what I see. He stepped in the bathroom, sees what I'm pointing at and promptly retreats like it was going to attack. So I go downstairs and he's sitting at the dinning room table. I hadn't really gotten a read on him because he'd said nothing so far, but when I looked at his face and then he picked up something, put it down, picked it up, put it down and pushed it away I realized he saw what i saw and he was stunned. whoa. At that moment, my nerves hit me and I barely made it to the bathroom - I nearly poo'ed my pants. We didn't talk about it at depth other than he wanted me to call my doctor and get seen.
Called my doctors office and they tell me that they accept the home test as a positive and I cannot see my primary physician that I have to go to a OBGYN but that they don't usually see you until 8 weeks. WTF?! I pass this disturbing info onto Brandon and he is less than satisfied. So I call them again. yes, we are panicking and I'm sure the ladies at the doctors office were annoyed with me. apparently, this isn't like the flu or a broken toe and there's nothing that a regular doctor can tell you or prescribe. hindsight, I totally get it. but in the moment, they should have a hot line for a "what to do when in a panic about being prego". So, I'm freaking out and Brandon's freaking out and we're not helping each other. I'm sorry to all my family and other friends, but I needed someone to talk to so I called my bff Leslie. her response?! "Whoa!" I shit you not! LOL Talking to her helped me - really just having someone to share it with was a relief. I know it hadn't even been 24 hrs, but still, it was killing me. Leslie later wrote me a very, very heartwarming email - very sweet. During the work day, my boss had asked me what's going on during our meeting and then later randomly stopped by my office and asked me how I'm doing, what's new, do I have any big news, etc. It was totally weird. slight paranoia. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I can't imagine I was that transparent. Brandon and I had an excellent talk that night about how we felt, what we're going to do. When he said "I want to get a t-shirt that says - Daddy drinks because you cry" I knew that he had processed the news and thru his humor is dealing with it. We also decided that it's best if I told my boss right away. but we also agreed that I'd take just one more test to make sure.
Again, my boss randomly stops by my office with random, general questions. Paranoia is running rampant now and I'm feeling guilty. At the end of the day I ask him if he's going to be in the office the next day and he replies "why, what big news are you going to spring on me?" I kid you not. seriously, comments like this for two days have me going insane. I try to be evasive and say just wondering, nothing, wanted to chat about a job, this and that, but he's persistent and not buying it. maybe I am transparent. So I caved. I shut the door and blurted out - I'm pregnant. He said really? and then clasped his hands and smiled wide! proclaimed his excitement and happiness - and even tho he said really, he didn't seem surprised. no whoa's. he said he figured it'd be soon and had very encouraging things to say and it was very reassuring for both Brandon and I.
On a personal note, Brandon and I are very excited now and we're just really hopeful that we have a healthy, happy baby. Although we were a bit caught off-guard, this wasn't an accidental pregnancy. We decided to just let nature do it's thing and have a little fun in the meantime. I think we both felt like we had 4, 6, 8 months or more to have our fun, but as it turns out mother nature felt we were ready now. Looks like all those years of paying for prescriptions really paid off! :)
Brandon does ask me periodically if I can feel if it's a boy yet. He also tells me to take care of his son when I leave for the store. And the other day I got reprimanded for not answering my cell - "you know, if you're going to continue with this pregnant thing, you really need to have your phone on". He's a protective daddy already. If we do have a daughter, I have no doubt we will love her wholly. I will feel bad for her when she goes to prom in a snow suit. but, between the two of us, she's likely to be a tom-boy anyway.
I know I'm only 8 weeks along, but the physical changes are notable. Without the graphic details, I will just go on record by saying things are swollen, sensitive and items of clothings are going to have to go up in size already. And, Brandon is a bit in aw - he's got a whole new wife. I'm a bit bewildered. I'm also extremely tired. ALL the time. Really, really tired. This will be the toughest part for me.
We had purchased a couple books and some vitamins, but that's it for people we've told - we decided to wait until the recommended 13 weeks to tell everyone else. And there haven't been any more big moments until 1.25.10 when we had our first prenatal visit. This was just an educational visit to go over do's and don't's, family history, and take some tests - urine and blood - 5 viles of blood! I couldn't believe it! at any rate, I'm supposedly 8 weeks along now and that means I can have an early ultrasound. It's scheduled for tomorrow 1.27.10. it will tell us the size and progress of the fetus and we should get a better idea of due date. right now it's estimated at 9.04.10.
more to come...